SELLING LIES IS ALL TOO EASY

SELLING LIES IS ALL TOO EASY

Saturday Telegraph 19^th March 2011. By: Elaine George (Inside Edition)

Life is short. Have an affair.

This is the caption used to promote Ashley Madison, a website exclusively geared towards married individuals seeking an affair.

And they guarantee it! An ‘affair guarantee program’ promises an affair within 90 days or your money back. But beware of the terms and conditions.

Growing in popularity each day, the site entries people with seductive advertisements on buses, subways and billboards.

Provocative, explicit television commercials capture attention with passionate frolics and the tag line: This couple is married, but not to each other. Isn’t it time you joined Ashley madison.com?

Another ad grabs attention stating: When divorce isn’t an option. Another phrase, When monogamy becomes monotony, lures those willing to be led astray.

Shocking, confronting and controversial, but it works. Aggressive marketing campaigns have generated phenomenal growth since the site was launched in the US in 2001.

Many of us baulk at the idea of an affair. Nonetheless, despite being illicit and dangerous, infidelity is not illegal.

Some of us fear that our beloved spouse may be tempted and despite anything that advertises, let alone appears to normalise, an affair.

Amazingly, Ashley Madison offers a range of complementary services and affair, manage expectations, schedule dates and how to avoid discovery.

Alibi services are recommended and readily available. Although cynics may perceive this as a threwd means of adding value to attract even more subscribers, deception is paramount.

The mind boggles. Some of us feel sick at the thought and stunned at the blatant, contentious campaigns. How dare they promote infidelity?

Many are outraged and disgusted and believe Noel Biderman the founder is a predator of vulnerable individuals, yet Biderman maintains he has not encouraged adultery.

Rather, Biderman advocates that many singles sites complained of users masquerading as being single. He has encouraged married people to abandon single sites and use this site specifically dedicated for individuals wanting sex on the side.

He insists Ashley Madison likely saves more marriages than it detonates them, even suggesting it is a marriage preservation tool. He indicates that in countries where infidelity rates are higher (Japan and Europe), their divorce rates are lower than in the US and Australia.

Currently, there are more than 8 million users in western countries, with numbers projected to climb in excess of 30 to 40 million in the next few years. Australia’s subscribers are also growing fast.

Like it or not, infidelity is not new. The internet is just another vehicle. However, in the repressed pre-feminist era, different rules applied and double standards existed.

Even today a woman may be perceived as promiscuous if she is searching for a fulfilling sexual relationship, particularly if outside of the confines of marriage.

Like men, some women also rebel against marriage and feel overwhelmed, unappreciated and unloved and trapped. And there is an increasing number of women who are perplexed at their husband’s declining libido despite the myth that men always want sex.

Interesting, since launching in April 2010, Australia has the highest proportion of female subscribers, comprising approximately 40 per cent.

It would seem a number of Australian wives are sexually frustrated – and not all fall into the desperate housewife category. Career women are just as likely to seek sex on the side as their male counterparts.

Women have become increasingly liberated and demanding, leaving many men confused. To some it is disconcerting that some women just want sex.

A male client complained that after several clandestine lunch-time tryouts with various married women, he felt empty and used. He protested that the women seemed to be hollow and not interested in any emotional connection.

Indeed, this underlines the fact that a great sex life requires physical and emotional intimacy, although there are always exceptions.

Some people find deep emotional intimacy hinders exciting, exhilarating or naughty sex. Some men with a Madonna-Whore complex lust for, and have sex with, beautiful women but fail to respect them as ‘wife’ material and never marry these conquests.

Celebrity gossip has provided two great examples of men who have cheated on their wives – Tiger Woods and Jesse James. Both were married to the epitome of the beautiful, wholesome pure girl next door.

Simone Warne certainly fulfilled this Australian counterpart, yet perhaps could not live up to the ‘party girl’ and ‘model’ image provided by her ex-husband’s more recent paramour, Liz Hurley.

An amazingly high number of individuals fail to meet the emotional and sexual needs of their spouse. An affair may be perceived as the solution to address these unmet needs.

Certainly there is no shortage of websites competing for members. Research into the sites revealed a number of frustrated individuals who are married but bored, lonely or searching for that ‘je ne sais quoi.’

Research also exposed an astounding number of men and women wanting to expand their sexual repertoire. Some are seeking sex with all the bells and whistles, but many want more kissing, cuddles, foreplay, oral sex and experimentation.

We all struggle with the monotonous nature of a daily routine, but we have to sustain intimacy in order to maintain monogamy. Yes, this is easier said than done, but many would argue that this is the linchpin of a successful marriage.

An affair may catapult you out of everyday life but it is difficult to sustain and inevitably ends. While some suggest it saved their marriage, most would argue that infidelity is dangerous.

While not immediately apparent, it provides a crack that erodes the bonds of trust and honesty. Even if not consummated, infidelity rocks the foundation of a solid relationship.

Not all affairs lead to divorce, but very few withstand the upheaval and chaos generated.

According to a 2008 Australian study, marriage makes us happy. Why, then, do so many of us break our wedding vows? Why do we deceive those we love – and ourselves – in the process?

Perhaps this is why so many of us find sites like Ashley Madison abhorrent.